Tummy Ache

I first found Intuitive Eating after years of feeling lost, confused and literally fearful of food due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and related stomach issues. Diarrhoea, cramps, gas and severe bloating were a part of my daily life.

I tried everything - years and years of different restrictive diets to ease my symptoms (non of which really worked long-term). Gluten-free, diary-free, yeast-free, low FODMAP, rotation diets, elimination diets, intermittent fasting…

A Damaged Relationship with Food

I ended up constantly worrying about food - it felt like all I could think about sometimes! Every trip out of the house involved stressing about; firstly, where the nearest toilet was, and secondly, what I could eat. I was terrified of being hungry in a situation where there wasn’t a ‘safe food’ available. I went through years of my life when I couldn’t leave the house without a bag full (I really mean FULL) of emergency snacks.

I completely lost touch with the joy of eating - it was just shrouded in stress and worry. I missed out on experiences because I was too scared to go out for dinner or attend social events that involved food. I remember one time in particular, I sat in a carpark in the car on my own, eating whatever the ‘safe food’ of the moment was out of a tupperware box, whilst my family and boyfriend ate in a restaurant!

The Last Diet

The last straw was an extremely restrictive and prescriptive ‘rotation diet’, which meant I couldn’t eat ANYTHING that I hadn’t prepared at home. Even the ‘safe food’ I prepared at home was pretty depressing. I did this for about 6 months. My IBS symptoms did improve slightly in the short term, but absolutely at the cost of my mental health.

I did it until I couldn’t do it anymore. I then experienced a 6-month period of what I now would refer to as ‘rebound eating’. The diet was so restrictive, and I was so sick of years of not allowing myself to eat what I wanted, with little to no positive results, I then went through a period of bingeing on previously ‘forbidden foods’, and generally feeling pretty out of control around food. This was worse than my restrictive IBS diets, because not only was I constantly worrying about food and what it would do to my IBS symptoms, I also felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame about ‘overindulging’ and eating so many foods that I considered ‘bad for me’. I now know that what I experienced was a NORAML biological reaction to physical and psychological food restriction. But at the time, I was totally confused about what was happening.

I even asked for a referral from my doctor to the eating disorder service and had an assessment. The lady I spoke to told me that my constant food worry and my binges were ‘subjective’ and not ‘objective’; i.e. they weren’t ‘bad enough’ to be considered disordered.

I was distraught. Coupled with this was the fact that I had gained weight. Only a small amount, and to be honest, this was probably what my body needed since it had been hard to get enough energy in after so many foods being off limits on the rotation diet. But this was enough to send me spiralling about my body too.

Body Image

I really struggled with my body image during that period, and even tried to lose weight by counting calories - something I’d never done before in my life! Somehow, I’d always known that this wasn’t a good idea, but, like all of us, I was influenced by the people around me, and I gave it a go, despite it feeling wrong. This obviously just led me down a path of more guilt and shame, as I could NEVER stick to the number of calories my app was telling me I was ‘allowed’. I literally don’t think I stuck to my calorie limit for even one day. I ditched the app after just a couple of weeks. No wonder! My body was telling me - “No way! We’ve had enough of restriction for IBS diets, thank you, never mind for weight loss!” And I’m so glad I listened to my wisdom in that moment. This was NOT the answer. The only thing telling me I needed to lose weight was my subconsciously learnt beliefs from the toxic diet culture that we live in, but I knew deep down that this wasn’t what I really needed.

Enough was Enough

So, I decided something needed to change.

I searched for some books to help me with my relationship with food and my body, and I came across Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (amongst many other great books).

I went on a journey to heal my relationship with food, and my body.

I now trust my body to tell me what to eat, with no extra thinking or worry. I have reconnected with the joy of eating and feel no guilt at all about what I eat. I feel freer in my body now than I ever have before, regardless of what it looks like. I know that my body exists for me to experience the world, not to look a certain way to conform to ridiculous standards set by society.

My IBS symptoms are still not perfect - I’m still on a journey with this part. There are still a few foods I avoid because I know they don’t agree with me, but this doesn’t feel restrictive now that I’ve healed my relationship with food.

I trained to be an Intuitive Eating Counsellor with the amazing Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, who wrote the Intuitive Eating book that saved me from so much pain and suffering.

I’m now passionate about helping others with this life-changing journey.